When I was a little kid and would complain about something, my grandmother would always respond with, “offer it up, Catherine”. At the time, this was just a very grandma-ish saying and I gave it no further thought other than I always knew that’s what she was going to say.
Anyways, fast forward 25 years or so and that phrase has taken on a whole new world of meaning to me personally. I’ve hopped on the bandwagon of doing a word of the year rather than some resolutions that I never keep and this year I’m choosing the word/word (there are no rules, I can do what I want…)
[ aw-fer, of-er ]
to present something as an act of worship or devotion; sacrifice
an act or instance of offering:an offer of help.
[ aw-fer-ing, of-er- ]
something offered in worship or devotion, as to a deity; an oblation or sacrifice
a contribution given to or through the church for a particular purpose, as at a religious service
anything offered as a gift
Ok, hear me out as I ramble what this means…
My word or phrase this year is to remember that no matter what, I can offer it up. More importantly, it’s not about me. How can I get out of myself and be of service to others? I think that tends to make our own problems smaller. I think this can happen in a number of ways we likely don’t even think about. Maybe it is doing some extra for a coworker at work…or maybe it’s just tipping more, tithing more, finally doing that volunteer work, being socially active on issues you care about, praying more for others, or reaching out to those you know you avoid for a reason. Personally, I’ve started doing some service work in different organizations and trying to be more invested in my own future.
I try to remember that when I am rageful about my ostomy irrigation taking up time and being messy, I can offer it up and meditate on the fact that a lot of people don’t have this option to manage their ostomy. Irrigation gives me my freedom back.
That when I feel frazzled during the week from the work and kid grind, I can stop and remember to not take everything so seriously. It’s ok to ask for help or call in pizza. Or mostly what I do is just announce very loudly I am not cooking and everyone fends for themselves (ok, I help the three-year-old). But you get the idea.
I am going to make more of an effort to be a better friend and reconnect. So, if you’re my friend. Sorry. You know life moves fast and it’s easy to let months become a year. I will strive to take the trip with you and be the friend who remembers birthdays and anniversaries! Not just to wish you a ‘happy birthday’ via text but to actually wish you a happy birthday by sending a thoughtful, meaningful gift that would make someone on the other end smile when they open it (btw, I actually have this friend, they do exist!). Personally, I know how great this feels because when I had my own medical crisis, I had no shortage of cards and amazing gifts sent my way. It helps. To actually show I care. So, there’s that.
Honestly, I just reflect on ‘offering it up’ in a way that on the other side of my suffering is growth and bound to be happiness. That there will always be peaks and valleys. I know, because I was in one of those deep, deep valleys. I honestly didn’t know if I could get out, but I did. In more ways than one it changed my life. It made me realize I needed to quit a lot of my bullshit behavior. I just didn’t have room for it anymore. Which was basically not being able to control my alcohol intake and food issues. I mean, I’m sure I have a lot more bullshit behavior than just that, but these seemed to be the ones making me crumble as I tried to find balance post-cancer.
Also, this all does not come easily or naturally to me. It has taken a lot of work over the last year to decide I’m going to be happy and turn the last few years of a literal shit show into something positive that I can spin my way.
I do not always know which path I will take, but I am confident that it comes with speaking up and just taking one step forward at a time. Offering it up knowing that what feels like it’s crumbling today will often be built back better tomorrow.